Faking News: Congress proposes fuel adulteration as solution for inflation

Harrowed by the never-ending corruption cases and uncontrollable inflationary pressures, the government is facing new protests over the most recent increase in fuel prices. Towards this end a high-level meeting chaired by Sonia Gandhi, UPA’s cabinet committee proposed the legalisation of fuel adulteration as the most effective solution for the problem.

Ex-Finance Minister Chidambaram was the first to meet mediapersons to explain the ground-breaking decision. “The law of demand and supply is the most fundamental building block of economics that I was taught in Harvard. See, India demands ‘x’ litres of petrol every year but only a lower, ‘y’, litres are available. This structural mismatch causes equilibrium to happen at a higher price point straining the public purse. The only way to keep prices stable then is to increase the availability of petrol. Since we have no magic wand, like the honourable Prime Minister has repeatedly clarified earlier, why not use adulteration agents to expand the supply of fuel”. Chidambaram continued “the beauty of the decision is that it simultaneously solves a lot of criminal and corruption issues as well and will hit a chord with the youth of today. With adulteration legalised, various criminal cases such as the burning of the municipal officer and the murder of a journalist recently can be closed without unnecessary arrests.”

In the aftermath of this landmark decision, it was after a long time that a confident Congress faced the opposition in the Lok Sabha. UPA spokesperson, Kapil Sibal, said that since no additional fuel would be imported to meet demand, this move would lead to a zero-loss to the exchequer. Rahul Gandhi, interrupted Zero Hour in the Lok Sabha to argue pointedly that since there are two Indias, why could there not be two fuels for the country – adulterated and unadulterated. He further proposed snatching the initiative and making constitutional changes to similarly regularise criminal activity and take workload off the various courts in the country. Only the Prime Minister Mr. Manmohan Singh seemed a bit surprised with the move and gave the impression of being left completely out of the loop on decisions being taken by his government. Digvijaya Singh when contacted for comments on the new fuel policy said “Hindus are the biggest threat to the world today. Unless dangerous people such as Baba Ramdev and Anna Hazare are not dealt with a firm hand India cannot hope to be a superpower. The cry to hang convicted terrorists like Afzal Guru and Ajmal Kasab only highlights the communal nature of the RSS and I have phone call transcripts to prove their involvement in the 9/11 attacks on the U.S.A.” While this comment seems out of place, media is now accustomed to it being repeated in response to any question that is asked of Mr. Singh.

The opposition is flabbergasted with the governments response and self-congratulatory attitude even as small time fuel adulterators reposed their faith in the elected government. There is already talk on publicising this unique decision as Rahul baba’s brainchild to launch him on the national stage in 2014 as a Prime Ministerial candidate.




--this is a work of fiction, all references to people living/dead or appearing to be living/ dead are coincidental and not meant to hurt their sentiments (in other words, I am perhaps an idiot for thinking free speech is allowed in India but please dont arrest me under the new cyber law) 

Why the sudden focus on Narendra Modi?

I have been intrigued by the sudden focus of the media on the impending battle between Shri Narendra Modi and Raul baba of late. While I may have normally dismissed this as the usual media frenzy, what interested me is the news of a surprise report in the U.S. Congress on the same topic. What truly reeled me in to the real story was another surprise report in the U.S. that to quote the article “Identifying Gujarat as perhaps the best example of effective governance and impressive development in India, a Congressional report showered praise on the chief minister Narendra Modi and said that the state under him has become a key driver of national economic growth” (http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/Narendra-Modis-Gujarat-best-example-of-effective-governance-US-report/articleshow/9977258.cms)

I said, hang on, isn’t this the same U.S.A. that had the audacity a few years ago to refuse the visa to an elected representative of India? Isnt it the same U.S. which publically condemned Modi for his alleged involvement in the 2002 riots? Why have they suddenly changed tune and why are these ‘different tuned’ reports coming out at the EXACT same time as the outcome of the Zakia Jafri case and just as the Congress party in India is tom-toming a 2014 Modi vs. Raul baba battle.

While clearly there is little to compare between Baba and Shri Modi, it is interesting to understand the genesis and the desperate need of the Congress government to trigger this debate (yes, I believe it is the Congress pulling Modi in to the PM race more than the BJP). The willingness of the U.S. to help the Congress party in this Goebblesque propaganda can perhaps only go to strengthen some people’s belief that the Indian government has a foreign hand controlling it (remember the PM was willing to resign if the nuclear pact was not passed but showed no such desperation in bringing an estimated US$1.4 trillion black money into India or arresting his corrupt colleagues or passing a Jan Lokpal bill). The coincidence of the U.S. report and the sudden attention by ‘independent’ media on this matter simple *cannot* be ignored.

To understand this, one has to consider the situation the Congress in India finds itself in today. The party has been facing an onslaught of corruption cases (which Subramanian Swamy alleges emanate from Sonia Gandhi herself - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RnU6TT1l7OA). While they have no answer to the corruption cases (some of which have national security implications), Congress does have answers to terrorism, but such answers that I wish they had remained mum on this failing as well! Some examples:

A) Wikileaks reveals that Digvijay Singh, the political mentor of baba, has even admitted that they “pander to Islamists” (http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2011-09-06/india/30118345_1_congress-leader-digvijay-singh-regional-parties)

B) Baba himself was caught with his proverbial pants down by wikileaks while saying that its not the Islamic terrorists that are a threat to India but infact Hindus (http://ibnlive.in.com/news/wikileaks-rahul-voiced-fears-of-hindu-terror/137703-3.html), a mind boggling inference possible only for a complete idiot or to a divine entity (and we all know what Rahul is…divine or course! http://centreright.in/2011/06/some-popular-myths-revisited/).

C) Baba is incorrigible and decided to take another swipe at being a leader and after the umpteenth Mumbai blast which tore even the famous, post-expiry-date Mumbai Spirit to shreds admitted defeat and implied that they cannot stop all terrorist attacks (due to A above, perhaps?) and that we would have to continue to die in similar events and we should just accept it. (http://www.dnaindia.com/mumbai/report_mumbai-blasts-rahul-gandhi-s-gaffe-puts-congress-on-defensive_1565905)

D) The Home Minister seemed to be scrambling to make an even more idiotic statement to take attention away from baba’s gaffe above famously stating that not having intelligence is not an intelligence failure (http://www.timesnow.tv/articleshow/4378649.cms). Isnt that a bit like saying, if I go for an exam and do not write a single word because I haven’t studied, is not a examination failure? Will I get promoted to the next class then? It would seem so because these statements suggest that some of these eminent politicians have passed school on such a basis alone!

The economy is in shambles with inflation running in double digits and the PM publically complaining on more than one occasion that he doesn’t not have magical powers to deal with problems that thus far I thought were issues that could be handled administratively. On the other hand, the State of Gujarat is proving the Indian adage of ‘nothing can change’ wrong almost on a daily basis.

Anyway, the examples are endless but this gives one an idea the dire straits Congress finds itself in today and this will make clear why Congress is so keen to project a 2014 Modi versus baba battle today. (I leave the merits of the Zakia Jafri judgement given my limited legal knowledge and with both sides claiming victory).

So what does the dirty-tricks-department of my favourite party do, they decide to make 2014 (I still think it might be 2011) a personality contest. They use the confusing outcome of the Jafri case to suggest that Narendra Modi has now moved beyond the shadow of 2002 to emerge as a frontrunner PM candidate in the BJP. This achieves three purposes,

A: Foster a divide in the opposition: Even as a doddering Advani decides to do another Rath yatra to hang on to his distant dream and Sushma Swaraj eyes the post of the PM, the emergence of Narendra Modi will cause friction within the BJP and cause some important functionaries to break away. Already we have the Janata Dal (United), a small faction in the NDA, saying that they want Nitish Kumar as the PM and not Narendra Modi. If these guys start bickering over *just* rumours imagine what will happen when the actual names are announced whosoevers they may be! This is exactly what the Congress wanted. In fact they want to raise the stature of Narendra Modi to such an extent that he himself no longer tows the party-line and demands to be made the PM candidate alienating himself from even his well-wishers.

B: Polarise the country: Congress believes that Narendra Modi is the most polarising figure in the country today. Many Muslims and Christians may be demoralised by their traditionally favourite party given the almost brazen, legalisation of corruption (what else do you call it when contracts buying toilet rolls for US$100 are freely put up for public viewing and bribes in the 2G case are being paid via cheques?). The Congress wants its vote-banks to continue to vote for it by apparently saying “look on one hand you have the divine baba, the Son, the saviour, the man who knows too little; and on the other hand you have the satanic Narendra Modi. Sure we are bad and we looted the country and probably will continue to do so but still is that worse than having Narendra Modi at the help, the dealer of death (Sonia Gandhi’s words I think?).

C: Divert attention of its failings: By getting India’s ‘independent’ media to focus on a hypothetical battle between improbable contenders at an undecided date, they take attention away from the various court cases the party and government are entangled in. Soon Anna Hazare is forgotten as is Baba Ramdev as is Jan Lokpal, 2G, 3G, CWG, Food scam, Antrix Devas, Air India, Indian railways, inflation, crime, bomb blasts, terrorism, China invading India everyday and the countless other failings that have become the hallmark of a party over the last 60 years. Soon people get caught up in the usual media inanity and then the Big Bossssss season 5 or 6 or 7 or whichever starts and then people will forget everything paving the way of The Son’s re-election in 2014 which He will fight most probably against a Nitish Kumar or a Jayalalitha anyway.

What can people do? Most simply, not get drawn into comparisions. Understand the real game plan as I have, Whoever contests and wins in 2011 or 2014, we want a clean government and we want culprits to be brought to book. Even as I write I see news that the government may be considering an amnesty scheme for black money stashed abroad. That is fine, give amnesty for money taken out to save tax, but what about money earned through illegal means? Are we going to condone that? What about money stashed abroad by politicans? Why cant we know their names and amounts? This government has more experience in mangling the truth that anyone else in the world and they will do anything to take our eyes off the corruption scandals that have erupted. This is India’s last chance to get rid of the corrupt lot, do not lose sight of the real issue. Demand more rights, snatch them if you have to. Bring those who have looted this country since independence to book and use the confiscated wealth to better our country. The opposition should learn the benefits of unambiguous leadership from the Congress, it prevents bickering and infighting and projects a strong united front for people to vote in favour of. The best thing BJP and the NDA can do today is have a marathon week long session and come up with a PM candidates name and stick to it. Even if Modi is not made the PM, there are positions like Home Ministry or Defence Ministry that he can do a great deal for. Remove this speculation once and for all and gear up to win elections when they come. Do not dig a hole for the Congress and then jump into it first.

*the above is the work of fiction and any resemblance to people living or dead or appearing to be living or dead is coincidental and neither wished to be expressed or implied*